Finding Your Soulmate

“Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” St. Augustine.

There are many reasons we are drawn to potential mates. Initially, it may be their good looks, their smile, or the way they look at you when you are talking to them. The first few months of a new relationship is intoxicating. That initial attraction to one another spurs massive brain activity: neurochemicals that emit a euphoric sensation are released into the body. This “love high” is actually similar to a drug-induced high; the same parts of the brain that are activated by romantic love are also activated by drugs like cocaine.

When the initial infatuation calms down, what is left is blunt reality: is this person you were so attracted to a suitable long-term partner? Is there something greater than mere infatuation that draws the two of you together? Could this person be your potential soulmate?

A “soulmate” implies that there is one other person wandering the earth who holds the other half to your soul. And, in fact, there are many people wandering this earth who feel incomplete and desire to find a person to share their lives with.

Believing there is just one being wandering the earth who is meant for you can make for a long and lonely wait. After experiencing the initial rush of emotion when meeting a potential partner, the inevitable letdown may convince you that this wasn’t the person meant for you at all. Finding your soulmate requires a generic formula of a handful of romance and a good measure of common sense.

Here are some things to remember for the person who truly desires to seek out their “soulmate.”

1) Find someone who shares your same values. If your religion is important to you, seek someone who shares your faith. If the institution of marriage is important to you, don’t get attached to someone who has no desire to ever get married. Finances, although unromantic, are a major cause of break-ups and divorce. These are all things that need to be discussed before entering in to a serious relationship.

2) Find someone who shares your interests. If you dream about traveling the world and he is happy on the couch, he may not be your soulmate. Sharing dreams fosters intimacy and commitment.

3) Don’t stay with an ugly person. After the infatuation fades away (and even if you still find your partner sexually attractive), if you are repelled by her personality, don’t expect her to change. Even if she shares your values and beliefs, an ugly attitude will break you later on. Avoid a person with a selfish or cruel personality.

4) Don’t wait for perfection. On the other hand, setting your standards too high is dangerous. Take a long look at yourself and assess your own imperfections. Mistakes are bound to be made by both of you.

5) Be a soulmate. Don’t be needy, obsessive, greedy, sloppy, rude, inconsiderate, or dishonest. You will have no luck finding a soulmate if you can’t play the part.

6) Work at keeping the romance alive. Believing that the beacon that is your burgeoning love will shine forever without maintenance is a delusion. Maintaining that initial “in love” feeling, or even a fraction of it, takes work. It means making time for her. It means being kind to him. It means making love even when you don’t feel like it. It means fostering intimacy through the sharing of experiences and hobbies.

7) Finally, don’t rush it. There may indeed be such a thing as “love at first sight” but you can’t be sure until the love lasts. Rushing into a committed relationship can lead to heartbreak. No one wants to suddenly be back at the drawing board after they believed they had found their soulmate. Take your time and make sure. If your potential mate is your true soulmate, he or she will wait for you.